My first STD was from a foam party
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just invented taco cereal.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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