She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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