promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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