It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Sorry my hands just texted you
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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