He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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