At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
