After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
