Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize