fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Can I color on your dick again?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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