Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize