Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
