how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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