She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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