this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
