So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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