okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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