im gay
i know
yea but for you.
where am i from again
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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