apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
