Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
