I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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