i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
