did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
