So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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