He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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