Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So much rum. So many feels.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
