your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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