I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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