The best revenge is premature balding
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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