How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize