there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
