So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
