Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize
