I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
