my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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