Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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