Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Damn victory sex feels great
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
