please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
