someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I would fuck him just for his dog
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
