I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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