Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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