There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I deserve this hangover.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Come on in and take your pants off
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