do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
