why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize