That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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