Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
