Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
