Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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