Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just want to make out with him forever
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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