He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
