you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
