I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
