the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
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