i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
