there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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