You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
