I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
