we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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