Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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