Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
