Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
ok first of all what the fuck
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize