Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
