remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
