Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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