Pappa wants mamma naked
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
