After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
