About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
