Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
