I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
