Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Everclear isn't food dammit
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
