Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
