her vagina looked like bernie madoff
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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