farters have to be the big spoon...
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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