I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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