You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
