She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
