kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Someone signed my nipple.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
