a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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