I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just pee around me
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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