You're so nebulous sometimes
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
