I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
