we made out on top of his cat.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
