he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Everything about him screamed your future.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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