chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
