Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
