the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
