Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
