I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
