real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
